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Chapter 0: Acceptance

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Sitting inside of an empty room with the lights flickering behind me, as everyone walks pasted me. Giving me their condolence, their blessing on the events that took place. I can still see that look on his broken face, he looked like he wanted to die. Did he really mean what he said to us while he was strapped onto that electric chair? I will never know, and I don't seem to give a shit anymore. He is dead, gone from this world. Everyone seems to be accepting the fact that he is gone, but why can't I accept him for who he was? Connor was a sick man, twisted up in his own depression and self confidence that there wasn't any room to fit his massive ego or his own pride. My parents hide behind a veil of mystery, hiding their smiles as they falsely grieve over his body. What a bunch of con artists they are, but I love them for who they are. My youngest brother sat with his girlfriend, as he rubs her pregnant belly. I can't picture my brother as a father, let alone him taking care of a kid, when he is still a kid himself. I can only send him a smile, like I'm allowing this to happen. I reached for my phone, as I got another text message from Sam mother, asking me where her daughter is and if she was with me. I haven't even talked or seen her since we went our separate ways. I don't know if she is alive or dead. I don't care at all. She is dead to me just like Connor is now.

I looked up once more after placing my phone back down; to see my cousin Mia start to walk towards me, she let out a small smile and reached for my hand. She began to whisper into my ear on what I have to do next. As requested by my parents, I had to give a sermon about my brother's life. Adding some of the good moments instead of reflecting on the bad ones that he did in the past. I walked inside the room where his casket was being displayed, for everyone to see him like a glassy china doll. All dressed up as it hides the truth. I stood there going over my speech that I'm about to address to my family and friends. This was killing me that I have to perform a smile to them as I hide my darken frown. I drew my attention to the crowd as I start to speak:

"What can I say about the life of my brother Connor Banks, that he was a great role model for me and Travis? A wonderful brother to us or…

I stood there frozen, speechless. I didn't know what else to say as I looked up and down my speech as each of the words started to spin around. Confusing my vision. Were they trying to tell me not to say these false words that are burning my eyes? I stepped back from the stand as my hand pressed onto Connor's freezing corpse. Quickly I turned with such force as I drew my hand away from his body. I felt frozen once more, I didn't know what to do. I started to panic. I couldn't hold it for very much longer. The truth needed to come out. There was no turning back from what I'm about to do next. I grabbed the speech as I ripped it up and slammed the stand down towards the ground.

"Do you want the truth about this piece of shit that's laying inside of this fucking cardboard box? Here's the truth, I'm glad that his dead, because he ruined mine and Mia life for far too long. He deserved what he got. I can't believe you all can sit there and feel sorry for him after what he did to destroy this family you are all jerks!!!"

My eyes opened up and saw everything was back to its normal self. The speech was still intact, the stand was brought back up and everyone was waiting for me to continue on speaking my speech. I tried my best to refocus myself and began to think what just happened? Did I just have a thought that would have gone differently? It felt so real, like I was living inside of it and now I'm back to normal, as I gathered myself up again and precedent to continue on with my speech.

"I'm sorry about that folks. I lost my place in the speech. Connor was a wonderful brother I'm going to miss all the great times that we had together. Like the time when he taught me how to ride a bike, taught me how to tie my shoes and gave me some pointers how to find the right guy. He was one of a kind, and I'm going to miss my brother bean. Thank you all for coming out this afternoon."

The room was quiet, all I could hear were the tears dropping from their eyes, as they fell onto the rug below. I went back towards my seat as more people came up and spoke about Connor. I got up to use the bathroom as I looked at my own reflection. What am I becoming? Did I truly accept the fact that he was gone? I wasn't going to break my pride. I turned on the water; to get rid of the dried-up eye shadow away from my eyes. What I saw next staring back at me, wasn't my own reflection but of someone else. She had silver/black hair; her eyes were like crimson red as she wore a darken gown. She had a huge grin on her face as I looked deeply at her. She lashed forward as she tried to grab me.

"Oh, my sweet Amber, why do you hide from me?"

I quickly collected myself, as I brought my attention back to the mirror: "Who are you? what is it that you want from me?" I asked her.

I was in total shocked, that the person that was staring at me, was me but different. Was she in my vision? Or was I her in that vision? I didn't know how to make of it or let alone what to do. Again, I ask her: "What do you want from me?"

"you, without no one knowing"

End of Chapter 0

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